I am braver. I take more chances. I am more positive. I stop and look. Strange or uncomfortable situations don't phase me. I love myself and my life.
Taking that daunting plane ride here alone didn't seem like that big of a deal to me until it actually happened and then I was in another country with way too much luggage and being sniffed by a dog. I was alone. I didn't have anyone to turn to for reassurance or to make decisions for me. I was in charge of everything. Was it overwhelming? YOU BETCH'YA. But it was also exhilarating. I come from a really good family who always supports me and really awesome friends who still love me even though I've abandoned them. Coming to Korea was a decision I made for me and only me. I wasn't trying to make anyone else happy at the cost of my own happiness. I did this for me. Lord knows I needed it. I was 25 years-old and felt like I was in a rut. Twenty-five. So young, so many possibilities. I had just finished my degree and was working at a comfortable job in a grocery store. You know, one of those jobs where you don't have to use your brain. I can tell now that my inner self was screaming until her throat was raw for me to do something.
Living in Korea isn't rainbows and butterflies. I am an alien. I am so different from everyone else. I have curves and a little extra weight. I don't wear high heels everywhere I go (actually I almost never wear them). I don't care if my skin or hair or clothes are perfect. I get stared at constantly. I've learned to semi-ignore it but it happens. You can't communicate with the general public because of the language barrier. But, I've gotten good at charades! People do things differently here and it seems so foreign to me, but I am so foreign to them. With everything though, I love this country and its people.
It has been through the staring and the whispering that I have learned to love myself. At first I got sucked into being so focused on my weight and how I look. To the point where I wasn't consuming enough calories to give me enough energy for the day. This didn't last long before I snapped myself out of it. "What is wrong with you Emma?" I vowed to try and only think positively about myself. I am a beautiful woman. I take care of my body. Do I eat too many sweets? Probably. But there's no point in getting angry at myself for it. Just try to eat less sweets. My room actually only has one little mirror so that I can style my hair. I am less focused on making sure my clothes are perfect or that my tummy isn't bulging out. My students call me fat. Less often now, but some of them still do. I just agree with them and move on. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. What I am trying to say here is that I learned to love myself and not hate my body or things that I do or don't do. I owe that to my experience here over the last year.
I get put in awkward situations and don't lose it. The first time I was in a public shower with other women I was a little weirded out because I didn't experience that back home. Then, one of the Korean women I was with and had just met, started washing my back. I had no idea what was going on, but I went with it. I returned the favour and washed her back. It really secured my bond with her and I am always excited when I get to see her now. I can also comfortably take my clothes off and walk into a public shower like I do it every day. I guess this gave me confidence in my own skin which helps with my positive body image.
I've tried all kinds of foods that I never dreamed I'd be eating back home. The fact that I choose to go to a seafood restaurant over another place is astounding if you know me. I ate live and moving octopus this year. Old Emma would never have tried it or thought about it. I did hesitate for a moment, but then I dug in. I also ate squid gut soup. I am not sure if I would have done it had I know before hand though. We all have our limits I guess.
Teaching in Korea has it's ups and downs. Day to day I love it. I have never once counted down the hours until home time or complained about going into work. Most of my students are really wonderful and make my day, everyday. I work for really great people who really care about me. I also work with some cool people as well. My director trusts me enough to form my own lessons without books, so I have a lot of freedom in my teaching. On the flip side, English instruction in Korea is flawed. Student's will know English grammar like the back of their hand by the time they finish middle school, but probably can't keep up with a conversation or formulate their own sentences well. So much of it is focused on straight translation, and that doesn't always work. We have to change our way of thinking to be successful in another language. I also have a hard time with being strict enough. I often get told to be stricter with my students. I have gotten better over the last year, but I just can't do it. I feel bad for them. Students here are worked so hard. I think about my childhood and growing up in Canada. We were so free. We could become our own person and explore new things and people. Here they are so focused on education and scoring well that it takes over their lives and many students are very unhappy. I often find myself thinking about my students' lives and I enjoy when I hear them laugh because they can have fun even when their life is so stressful. I try to make my classes fun for them and active so that they can learn and have fun at the same time. I haven't gotten fired yet, so I must be doing okay.
Overall I feel like I have grown up since I've been here. I appreciate life a little more. I appreciate my parents for all they've taught me and loved me for who I am. I love my friends for trying so hard to keep me in their lives. Its amazing how you see who really cares enough when you move away. Some relationships have changed for the worse, but the one's who have changed for the better make you appreciate that person even more. I have learned to accept myself for who I am. Flaws and all. That's the most important thing for me. If I gain nothing else other than that, it's all good.
Korea, I love you and I thank you. You are a home to me. No matter what happens in the future, I will have this experience and no one can take that away from me.
October gave us two mid-week holidays this year and I took advantage of one of them by heading to the city of Andong, which is a couple hours away by bus. Upon arriving at the bus terminal, we headed to the Hahoe Village first. This is a traditional village with straw huts and beautiful scenery. There was also a really interesting museum that explained the history behind masks and what different kinds represent. They also had displays of different mask dances from around the world. I found the Indonesian masks to be most interesting and appealing. After doing some exploring and watching a bit of a mask dance, we decided to head to the official festival grounds. The festival was packed with people and different tents where there were food vendors and people selling different kinds of merchandise. We wanted to see one of the dances but our timing was really bad that day and all the tickets were sold out when we went. I think I would like to return next year and check out some of the performances.
